


Channel Surfing

by ohmytheon



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, This is pure crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 11:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3208043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmytheon/pseuds/ohmytheon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During some late night television surfing, Catelyn stumbles upon a very...suggestive commercial starring one of her colleagues when he was in college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Channel Surfing

**Author's Note:**

> There was a random post on tumblr; and I didn't think about it much until an anon randomly messaged me cackling about Tywin being in a condom commercial and this happened very suddenly.

It was just another night of late night TV surfing. Catelyn didn’t do it often, but every now and then, once all the kids were in bed and she put her work to the side for the night, she’d curl up in bed and flip through the channels mindlessly. Most of the time, she settled on a movie, one that would lull her to sleep or make her laugh (never one of those weepy, romantic Lifetime films), anything to help her unwind.

She was doing just that, clicking the up button on the remote, when something on one of the channels caught her eye. She stopped and flipped back to the channel.

What Catelyn saw made her drop the remote, gasp aloud, and put her hand to her mouth. She knew that she should look away - she knew that she should just pick up the remote, change the channel, and forget what she saw - but she couldn’t do it. Instead, she gawked like a teenager, wide-eyed in shock and mesmerized in awe at the same time.

There was a much younger Tywin Lannister, maybe in his twenties, on her screen, doing a commercial for _condoms_.

Suddenly, Catelyn knew that she was seeing something that was never supposed to have seen the light of day again. She grabbed the remote control, fumbling with it at first, until she finally managed to turn the television off. For at least a full minute, she sat there, staring blankly into the distant, her hands folded in front of her mouth like a prayer. She should ignore this, forget this moment ever happened, never think about it again.

But she couldn’t do it.

Catelyn picked her cellphone up from her night stand, unlocking it, and finding the number she needed to call. Once she dialed it, she pressed her phone to her ear and waited.

When the person on the other end picked up, they were none too pleased and very obviously tired. “Catelyn, what are you doing, calling me this late? We both have work in the morning.” His voice was raw from sleep, telling her that she’d woken him up. Normally she would’ve felt guilty about doing such a thing.

Tonight she couldn’t help but grin into the phone. “So, magnum or just regular?”

"What are you talking about?"

It took everything in Catelyn not to downright snicker. “Oh, one size doesn’t fit all, Tywin.”

There was silence on the other end. Catelyn had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing. A minute later, Tywin finally responded. “You saw the commercial.”

"Still getting royalties from it?"

Tywin practically growled on the phone. “I told them to take the damn thing off the air. It’s humiliating.”

"I guess they didn’t want to," Catelyn sighed melodramatically. It was like kicking a person when they were down, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Besides, Tywin did that in court all the time. It was only fair that the same thing happen to him every once in a while. "It seems like it’s a favorite to play during commercials for cheesy, romance movies."

"Utterly absurd." Tywin huffed. She could hear him writing something down, probably a note to remind himself to chew out whoever hadn’t listened to him years ago to remove that old condom commercial.

Catelyn allowed herself to laugh. “I can’t believe you did a condom commercial! That had to have been during college. You couldn’t have been that down on your luck.”

"I was putting myself through law school. My father thought it was a good idea to spend my college fund on his favorite prostitute. I answered an ad in the paper. I had to make money somehow."

Tywin sounded so logical about it, but she could tell that he was actually embarrassed. Catelyn was actually impressed. She’d never known Tywin to be embarrassed about anything. His father’s mishandling of their family money and scandals had been more of an aggravation than an embarrassment. Not a single part of her felt sorry about doing this. He’d humiliated and shamed people in much worse ways, in and out of court.

"We all have embarrassing moments in our past, Tywin," Catelyn told him. "You don’t need to get so huffy about it. If you look back on it now, it’s pretty amusing."

"I’m not laughing."

"Oh, you never laugh. That doesn’t count. It certainly made my night."

Tywin scoffed at her. Catelyn smiled. He would act irritated with her tomorrow, maybe even ignore her, but he wasn’t mad at her. His petulant behavior was worth calling him.

"I’ll see you tomorrow, Tywin."

"Why don’t you come over for dinner tomorrow night after you’re done? I’ve got a new wine from the vineyard you might like."

Catelyn titled her head. She hadn’t expected this. “Oh? Celebrating a special occasion?”

"No, I just figured, since you’re so curious, you might want to figure out what exactly size I am. Good night, Catelyn."

He hung up the phone, but Catelyn was so stunned that she kept the cell to her ear and stared in complete and utter silence. It would take a long time before she would be able to recover from that. Now she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes tomorrow, much less talk to him. Damn that man for knowing how to leave her speechless.


End file.
